Years have passed...and now we have a son

Back in 2007 I began this blog... and there unfortunately it ended. I have stumbled across it as I've now begun another blog. I feel terrible that people have viewed this, people who must have been adopting or wanting to adopt, and that I could have given some support in some way.... sorry.

I want to fill in gaps... but for now, just to say that in February 2009 we brought home our little boy, Natthapon. He was 11 months and 3 weeks old.  Now he is 6 and a half! 

There is so much to say. The whole physical process of trying to see through the adoption in a country where you don't speak the language. Where things are 'done' so very differently. The whole process of trying to believe, to feel, like you really are a mum now when the child in front of you sees you as a stranger...just another person who feeds you and holds you. The whole process of time passing and so called 'normal life' beginning, when those around think that you are just a normal family, and you are trying so hard to believe you are and pretend at feeling love, pretend it feels amazing to be a mum... when in fact you are in a state of delayed shock at these sleepless nights, tantrums, tears and feeling the whole time that if you'd been there from the start you would know what to do... the processes of dealing with the emotional side of adoption. The reality. When things that you had previously read about in books about adoption and children with attachment difficulties, now leaps off of the page and into your actual life. Reality.

Habitually or Non-Habitually resident

It is amazing that although you expect problems and hurdles along the way - when they come, they are a surprise and a blow. Nothing can change that reaction. It may be minute compared to the problems of the millions of others who are going through the same process as you are, but to you, it seems as though it is a testing time.

Adoption is never easy - everyone knows that, although I am sure that most people don't really understand why it is that difficult. We have all heard the countless hideous stories of children abused by the hands and words of those who are responsible for the safety and careful upbringing of that child. So thorough police checks, home checks, financial checks, medical checks etc, is clearly necessary in order to not send children into the hands of such abusers. But does all this give good reason to the long and drawn out waiting which follows? I'm not sure.. surely we're all after the same thing in the end? An unloved child without a home or family, taken out of institutionalised or foster care at the earliest possible time, and put into a permanant home where they will be loved. The longer they are in care - the more psychological scars will be inflicted. So why the waiting??

Anyhow, we are going for intercountry adoption as we are living in Bangkok and feel ready now to start our family. We haven't necessarily decided on intercountry adoption, it was more a case of timing. Adoption has always been on the cards for us, but nationality of the child has not really been something we thought about. I suppose we always assumed it would be a British child.

So having moved to Thailand and settled in easily and been very happy living here, we saw no real reason to think about moving back to the UK and then as I said, the time has now arrived for us to start our family.

So far things have been fairly straightforward. That said, there has been a lot of waiting - for documents, letters to arrive, emails and phonecalls replied to, but really there have been no problems. We were very excited as we neared the end of our incredibly long 'to do' and 'to get' list. As a final precaution, I thought I ought to email the British Embassy in Bangkok to let them know that we would soon be making our way down with our documents and, oh yes, the other small thing mentioned on our list of 'Things to Get' sent from the Thai social services, some letter we need to pick up....

This is when we discovered that this small sentence hiding amongst much lengthier ones, actually was hiding a whole load of misunderstanding, phonecalls, un-answered emails and talking backwards and forwards -"are we? aren't we?". In order to collect this small letter of conformation, we needed to find out whether we are or are not habitually resident in the UK. It might seem quite clear that we are not habitually resident in the UK as we don't LIVE in the UK, but apparantly this is not so. But the criteria as to whether you are or you aren't, does not exist. It just seems to be down to some guy sat in a Solicitors office who gets to choose.

And so we will do as much as we can to get to the bottom of this as quickly as we can. But everything takes time and the not-knowing as to what the outcome will be is a killer. If it turns out that after all, we are infact classed as habitually resident in the UK, despite us living in Bangkok - this will mean that we will have to go through the whole adoption process as if we were living in the UK. We will then have to start all over again. Also this would probably add another year to the process, compared to if it were done here under Thai law. I don't actually know for sure what will happen if we are Habitually resident, I am only making guesses from what little I can find to read.
We will somehow have to have home-studies in a home that we don;t live in!! There will probably be flying backwards and forwards just to answer questions, fill in forms and have our imaginary house assessed.....oh..... I don't know. I really hate not knowing I suppose and want so much for this adoption to happen as quickly and as painlessly as possible.

And whilst we wait.....so does our future child....